You'll Be In My Heart
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on.
1. Chapter 1

I know I shouldn't be starting a new story, but this idea simply wouldn't leave me alone, and I cannot pass up a good challenge. Basically, SVUProductions and I took the same idea and put our own twists on it. She'll be posting hers as I post mine, and hers is titled What Hurts The Most. We just thought it would be cool to take the same idea and each write it our own ways. So don't worry, we're not stealing from each other! Enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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In the middle of the night, Olivia Benson was startled awake by the ringing of her cell phone. She groaned and rolled over in the bed, sorely tempted to just let it ring. But it was likely that her captain was calling, so she finally reached over and grabbed the offending phone. "Benson." Her voice was sharp and crisp.

"Olivia Benson?"

"Yes." She scrubbed her hand over her face and stifled another yawn.

"My name is Jenny Matthews. I'm a nurse at Mercy General. I have a patient here who has you listed as an emergency contact."

Olivia immediately rolled out of bed and grabbed her pants. "Who?"

"Elliot Stabler."

Instantly the bottom dropped out of Olivia's stomach. Elliot… Something had happened to Elliot. "Is… is he okay? What happened to him?" she demanded anxiously.

"He was involved in a car accident, and he's in surgery. You should come as soon as you can."

Already Olivia was grabbing her shoes and keys. "I'll be there in ten minutes." She closed the phone and shoved it into her pocket. Then she put her shoes on and raced out of the apartment. Elliot was hurt. She felt sick as she jumped into her car and raced out of the parking lot in front of her apartment building.

As she raced toward the hospital, she wondered if anybody had contacted Kathy. Three months ago, they had divorced and Elliot had moved out of the house. Since then, she had been trying to work up the courage to tell him just how she felt. She had loved him for years, but the wedding ring he wore always prevented her from telling him.

Now, there was a chance he would never know.

After an agonizing ten minutes, Olivia finally pulled into the parking lot of Mercy General. Barely remembering to turn off the engine, she jumped out of the car and raced inside.

A tired looking nurse was sitting at the reception desk, and Olivia couldn't even muster a polite smile as she said, "I just got a call about Elliot Stabler."

The nurse looked at the computer screen. "He's still in surgery. Just have a seat, and his doctor will be out soon."

Growling quietly, Olivia reluctantly sat down and began making phone calls. She tried Kathy first and groaned when it went straight to voicemail. After leaving a short message, she called Cragen, who promised to call Munch and Fin. Then she put her phone away and waited.

Within the hour, the entire squad was in the waiting room with Olivia. Cragen and Fin were sitting on either side of her and trying to comfort her, while Munch paced nearby.

Finally a doctor in bloody scrubs came into the waiting room, and everyone got to their feet. "Elliot Stabler?"

Everyone nodded as Olivia stepped forward. "I'm his medical proxy."

The doctor nodded as he introduced himself. "I'm Dr. James Woodrow. Why don't you come with me?"

Olivia hesitated, knowing that everyone else in this room also cared about Elliot and would want to know what his condition was.

Seeing her hesitation, Fin came to her side and slipped his arm around her slender waist. "I'm coming with her," he told the doctor firmly. And behind them, he knew that everyone else was silently giving their permission. Most everyone was close to Olivia, but she was like a little sister to Fin. And he was very protective of her.

Olivia leaned into him, and they followed Dr. Woodrow back to his office.

Woodrow led them into his office, motioning to two chairs as he closed the door behind them. "Have a seat."

Olivia slowly sat down, but Fin silently refused.

Taking his place behind the desk, Woodrow opened a file and rubbed his temple.

Olivia watched him anxiously, feeling sick.

Finally he spoke. "There was a female passenger in the car. A Kathy Williams."

Her heart sank at his tone. Kathy had been in the car with Elliot...

"We've already contacted her parents, but Ms. Williams didn't survive."

Fin rested a gentle hand on her shoulder as Olivia struggled to speak. "Wh-What about their son, Eli? Was he in the car?" She had always loved children, but when she had witnessed Eli's birth and had been the first to hold him, she had lost her heart forever. And she couldn't imagine losing him, even if he wasn't hers.

"The baby? He was unharmed. He's with the nurses right now."

Olivia lunged to her feet. "Let me see him." He didn't need to be surrounded by strangers. Not when he had just lost his mother.

"You can see him in just a moment. But first we need to discuss Mr. Stabler's condition."

Fin could see the torn look on his friend's face, and he offered a solution. "I'll go get Eli. You talk to him about Elliot." He hugged her again, then left the office.

Olivia turned to face the doctor again.

Woodrow watched her carefully, then got to his feet. "Why don't you come with me, Ms. Benson? I'll tell you about his condition on the way to his room."

Solemn, Olivia followed him out of the office.

On the way upstairs, Woodrow spoke softly. "Mr. Stabler's condition is very grim, Ms. Benson. You should know that."

"Will he live?"

There was a long silence, and her dread grew with every step they took.

"I'll be honest with you, Ms. Benson. I don't expect him to survive the night."

Tears surged to Olivia's eyes. "He's... he's going to die?"

"Patients prove us wrong all the time, Ms. Benson. But it's a miracle that he even survived the ride to the hospital." His words were bleak but spoken with a deep sympathy.

They finally came to a stop in front of Elliot's room. "If he has any other family, I urge you to call them."

She numbly nodded. His kids, his mother... "Can I see him?"

"Of course."

"Thank you..."

Woodrow squeezed her shoulder sympathetically, then left her alone in the hall.

Drawing a deep breath, she pulled out her cell phone and told Cragen what the doctor had told her. He agreed to contact Elliot's oldest children and bring them to the hospital. Once they were finished speaking, she closed the phone and slowly stepped into Elliot's room.

A nurse was standing beside Elliot's bed, a sad frown marring her face as she checked his vitals. She sensed Olivia come in, and she looked up at her. "I'm sorry, but this patient isn't allowed visitors."

Olivia's eyes were fixed on her partner's face. "I'm his medical proxy..."

"Oh... You've already spoken to his doctor?"

"Yeah..." She finally reached the bed and rested her hand on Elliot's.

The nurse nodded sympathetically, making a note in her chart before she slipped out of the room.

Olivia sat down beside Elliot's bed, squeezing his hand gently. "Come on, El," she breathed, running her fingers through his damp hair. "You have to stay with us. Your kids need you." Her voice dropped in volume. "I need you."

There was no response to her plea, and she leaned forward and rested her head on his chest.

"Don't leave me, Elliot."

TBC...

A/N: *hides under rock*


	2. Saving Graces

I'm evil. That's really all there is to say. Enjoy the update...

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Within an hour, there was a quiet knock on the door. Wiping her tears away, Olivia reluctantly released Elliot's hand and went to the door. As soon as she opened it, she found herself being hugged by the four eldest Stabler children. More tears filled her chocolate eyes as she hugged each of them. In the years since becoming Elliot's partner, she had watched these children grow. She had no family of her own, and she loved them like her own blood. She never refused the opportunity to see them, or the chance to spend a little time with each of them. There was no doubt that she loved them, and she hated that they had lost their mother long before they should have. And now, they were facing the possibility of losing their father as well. She struggled not to fall apart all over again.

Maureen was the first to speak. "Is our dad okay?"

Looking into familiar cerulean eyes, Olivia almost broke down. But she managed to keep herself together somehow. "Guys... Your dad was hurt very badly."

"But... he'll be okay, right?" Lizzie whispered.

Olivia gathered Elliot's youngest daughter into her arms and held her tight. "I don't think so, baby," she choked out, running a shaking hand over Lizzie's thick hair.

Unable to believe her, Maureen rushed to her father's side. Ever since she could remember, she had been his little princess. And no matter how many times she tried to deny it, she was daddy's little girl. He was always so strong, so invincible. And even though her mom had always warned them that his work was dangerous, she always believed he would come home to her.

Kathleen scanned the room with tears in her eyes. "Where's our mom?" She couldn't believe that her mom wouldn't be there with them.

Olivia closed her eyes, and Lizzie hugged her tighter. "I'm so sorry... Your mom didn't make it."

The door suddenly opened, and Kathleen ran out of the room.

A soft sob bubbled up in Lizzie's throat, and she buried her face in Olivia's shoulder.

The tough facade Dickie had been struggling to maintain for an hour crumbled, and he slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

Maureen leaned down and rested her head against her dad's. Tears poured down her cheeks, and she kissed his temple. "Don't leave me, Daddy," she whispered.

Olivia whipped her head around when Elliot groaned softly, and Maureen's eyes lit up.

His eyelids slowly fluttered open, and as his vision cleared, he saw the face of his little girl. "Maureen..."

Lizzie let go of Olivia and ran to the bed, with Olivia right behind her.

Maureen hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead. Olivia was wrong. Her dad was going to be fine. He just had to be. "Hi, Daddy."

He saw Lizzie approach, and he smiled weakly as his youngest daughter laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled into him.

Dickie was slower to approach, but when he saw his dad's eyes, he suddenly felt as though he was five years old again. He flung himself beside his twin sister and hugged their father as tightly as he dared.

Olivia saw the question in his eyes as he scanned the room, and she spoke softly. "Eli is with Fin, and Kathleen is in the hall."

He gave her an appreciative smile and closed his eyes again.

Without thinking, she reached down and laid her hand against his forehead.

After a little while, Elliot slipped into unconsciousness again, and a nurse came into the room.

Maureen looked at her siblings. Kathleen had rejoined them a few minutes after their dad woke up, and he was happy to see his second oldest daughter.

Olivia let out a soft sigh. "It's late. Maybe you guys should go with Maureen and get some sleep."

Maureen in particular looked hesitant, even though she was confident her dad was going to be fine.

Meeting Maureen's eyes, Olivia softly said, "Your dad wouldn't want you guys just sitting here."

Lizzie started to cry again. "But Mom's dead..."

Olivia rested her hand on the teenager's back. "I know, honey. And when your dad wakes up again, I'll call Maureen so you guys can come back."

"Really...?"

"I promise."

Accepting this, Lizzie hugged her dad again before following Dickie to the door. Maureen was the last to leave the bed, and as she passed Olivia, she surprised her by reaching out and drawing her into a hug.

"Take care of Dad, Olivia," she whispered.

Olivia rubbed the girl's back. "You know I will, Maureen. I promise."

But as the Stabler children left, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to keep that promise for the first time in their partnership.

The door closed, and Olivia was alone again with her partner. She ran a hand over her face, then made her way back to his bed to continue her vigil over him.

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Alex Cabot sighed softly as she held Elliot's young son to her shoulder. Olivia refused to leave Elliot's room, and Alex had volunteered to give Fin a break and take little Eli for a while.

She paced around her living room, patting Eli's back. A nurse had suggested that she take Eli home, since he was so young and a hospital was no place for a healthy young child. Everyone had agreed, and Fin had promised to stop by to make sure they were okay after a while.

Picking up on her upset, Eli fussed softly.

Absently Alex kissed his head. "Shh..." As she soothed him, she couldn't help wondering who would receive custody of this little boy. The last she had heard, Kathy was dead and Elliot was deteriorating quickly. The only family she knew of was Elliot's mother, but she was bipolar and refused to take her medication. Somehow she doubted that Elliot would choose her.

Her thoughts turned to Olivia. Elliot certainly trusted her with his children, and he knew how much she wanted a baby. It was possible that Olivia could take custody of little Eli, if Elliot didn't make it. The little boy she held would help Olivia through his father's death, and give her something to focus on other than the impending tragedy.

Their relationship had been speculated about for years. Even though Elliot had been married for most of that time, everyone knew of all the times Kathy had left him, and how close he and Olivia had grown. What they were transcended romance and infatuation. He lived for his children and her, and she lived for him. Everyone knew the dangers of their job, and more than once one of them had landed in the hospital, sending the other into a tailspin of destruction and despair. Alex had always dreaded to think of the consequences for the one who lived if the other died.

Now they were facing that scenario, and Alex firmly believed that Eli was going to be Olivia's saving grace.

TBC...

A/N: I hope that that description did them justice. I've always believed that if something happened to one of them (particularly El) something bad would happen to the other. If Olivia died, Elliot would have his kids to go on for. If Elliot died, Olivia would be alone. And while I don't see her committing suicide, I do see her becoming very reckless and almost inviting death. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading, and please review!


	3. This Bond Between Us

I got a review from HameronHuddy414 saying I HAD to update since my last chapter made her cry. I'm updating, but... well... have kleenex ready.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Deep in the night, Olivia was startled awake by a noise amid the silence of Elliot's hospital room. She sat up, uncertain of what had disturbed her rare sleep. Then she heard it again. Elliot was coughing.

Moving fast, Olivia got out of the chair and moved to the bed. "Elliot?" She placed her hand on his forehead, her thumb gently stroking his skin.

He coughed again, his entire body shuddering.

Her other hand settled on his chest. "El, wake up," she gently urged. "Open your eyes."

Finally his eyes flickered open, and she grabbed a glass of water. "Try to drink," she murmured, pressing the straw against his parched lips.

He took a few sips, then closed his eyes again, the simple actions draining his energy.

Setting the glass aside, she perched herself carefully on the edge of the bed. Then she lifted his head carefully and settled it in her lap.

His breathing eased a little as her fingers glided through his hair. "Liv..."

"I'm here, El. Just relax."

Groaning softly, he grasped her hand and squeezed it with everything he had. He could feel the strength draining from him, leaving him more weak than he had ever been before. "Have to... say..."

Olivia's brow furrowed. "What, El?" Her heart rate sped up.

He ran his tongue along his lower lip. "Eli..."

"He's safe, El. Alex has him. Nothing is going to happen to him."

He almost smiled. No, nothing was going to happen to him. Olivia would make sure of that, he knew that much. "Want you... to take care... of him..."

Olivia's heart sank. "Elliot..."

He squeezed her hand again. "Please, Liv... You love him..."

"Of course I do, Elliot. He's your son." Even though Eli was the physical reminder of everything that she'd almost had with her partner, she still loved the little boy, because he was part of Elliot. She had watched him come into the world, and next to Elliot, there was no one that she loved more in the world. "I love him very much." And that was the truth. She ran her hand lightly through his hair.

Satisfied, Elliot managed a small nod. Olivia loved Eli. She would protect him, take care of him, and be the parent she had always wanted to be. He was glad that he had chosen Olivia as Eli's guardian. Kathy's family wanted nothing to do with the little boy, and Elliot didn't want to burden his older children with the responsibility of a baby if he could avoid it. So Olivia was the obvious choice. She wanted children, and he had never seen a woman who was better with them, or who loved a child more.

Olivia leaned down and kissed Elliot's forehead, drawing him out of his thoughts. "You're going to be okay, Elliot." Her voice was strong, but he didn't miss the shudder behind that strength. He knew her so much better than that.

He clasped her hand tighter, his eyelids sliding halfway shut. "Make sure my kids are okay, Liv."

"Elliot..."

"Please."

She squeezed his fingers lightly. "I'll make sure your kids are okay."

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

Relieved, he settled closer to her. When Olivia made a promise, she never broke it. His kids would be fine.

Moving slowly, Olivia slid down in the bed and turned onto her side, until she was face to face with Elliot. Then she rested a gentle hand against his face.

He relaxed under her touch. Knowing his children would be taken care of took a lot off of his mind, and his eyes slid shut again.

Olivia rested her forehead against his. "Elliot?"

"Y-Yeah...?"

Tears welled up in her eyes, but stubbornly refused to fall. His injuries were grievous, and despite her belief that he could get through anything, he wasn't invincible. And this time, there was a chance that he wouldn't be coming home. All they would have was this moment, and while it would never be enough for her, it had to be. So she gently stroked his cheek with her thumb, letting her touch say what her lips were struggling with.

Her touch soothed him, allowing him to relax against her and let her take away his pain.

The heart monitor beside his bed showed his decreasing heart-rate, and Olivia snuggled closer to him. Boundaries be damned, he needed her. She needed him. Her lips found his in a tender, chaste kiss.

The sensation of her lips against his pulled him back from the darkness, and he let out a soft noise.

When she reluctantly broke the kiss, the look on his face made it all worth it. "I love you, Elliot."

He grasped her fingers. "Love you, too, Liv..."

For years, she had wanted to hear those words from him, but now they only brought tears. "Don't leave me, Elliot..."

He groaned softly. Of course he didn't want to leave her. And he didn't want to leave his kids. But he didn't have a choice. He could feel his heart slowing with each breath, and his vision began to blur. He gripped Olivia's hand tighter.

"Elliot?" She kissed him again, then rested her head against his. "Please..."

His eyes slid shut as his grip loosened on her hand. If he was going to die, he would rather be in his partner's arms than anywhere else. But he hated knowing that he was leaving her alone. His breath hitched in his throat.

Her eyes became wide and fearful as his eyes flickered shut. "Elliot, no. Talk to me. Please, El."

His lips moved, but no sound escaped.

She pressed her lips against his forehead as he let out a sigh. Then she rested her head on his broad chest, just over his heart. Her arm settled over his abdomen, holding him tightly against her.

The monitors around them became frantic, but neither of them noticed. They were focused solely on each other.

Olivia knew the moment he stopped breathing, because she was suddenly unable to catch her own breath. She closed her eyes and muffled a sob as his heartbeat faded away beneath her ear.

Nurses and doctors suddenly swarmed them, and Olivia howled as she was pulled away from her best friend's limp form. Medical jargon was shouted as one doctor attempted to shock Elliot's heart back into a normal rhythm.

Olivia slumped to the floor, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. They were too late to do anything. His body was beyond repair.

After nearly ten minutes, the doctor finally put the paddles down, shaking his head sadly as he called time of death.

Slowly everyone filed out of the room, until only the one doctor was left. He gently pulled a sheet over Elliot, casting a sad look at Olivia before retreating from the room.

Some time after the door closed, Olivia finally stumbled to her feet and over to the bed. Elliot's body was covered by a sheet, and her shaking hand reached out and grasped it, pulling the material away from his face.

"Elliot..."

His face was already growing pale. She gasped as she settled her hand on his chest and felt the cold that had replaced the warmth of life. With a soft groan, she leaned over and slid her hand under his head. Drawing his head against her shoulder, she closed her eyes and sobbed quietly.

Elliot was gone, leaving a void in her heart and soul. One that could never be filled again.

Finally her sobs quieted, and she kissed Elliot's head lovingly. "Love you, El." With a deep tenderness, she gently returned his head to the pillow.

She watched him for a few moments, reluctant to leave his side, just as she had been when he was still alive. Finally her feet began to move, and she squeezed his hand one final time before her feet carried her away from Elliot's side, and out of the hospital where she had felt her greatest pain and somehow was still breathing. She didn't want to be, but she had to. She had to find a way to keep going.

Elliot was expecting her to.

TBC...

A/N: *ducks flaming sporks and kleenex, hides under rock* Review!


	4. In My Arms

A new update for a new ep of SVU! WOO HOO! It's a shorter update, but it's a filler chapter. Don't worry, more angst is on the way. Mwahahahahah! *ducks flaming twinkies* Read on!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Somewhere in the deep dark of night, Olivia suddenly sat upright in her bed. Something had awoken her from her nightmares and memories of Elliot, and for a moment, she wasn't sure of what the noise was. Then she heard it again, and she sighed.

In the crib by the wall, Eli was crying softly.

Swinging her long legs over the side of the bed, Olivia stood up and made her way to his crib, moving easily in the dark. Eli kicked his feet and reached up toward her face as she reached the crib.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" she murmured, leaning over and lifting the baby out of his crib.

Eli continued to cry softly as she settled him against her shoulder and patted her back.

Outside of her window, rain was falling in sheets. Thunder rolled ominously overhead, and the room was briefly lit up as a streak of lightning danced across the sky.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment, resting her head against Eli's.

Earlier that night, after leaving the hospital, she had gone to Alex's apartment and picked up the little boy. Thankfully Alex had thought ahead and bought a portable crib, along with a diaper bag, car seat, clothes, and other related necessities for little Eli until Olivia could go shopping for everything else the little boy would need. Aside from thanking Alex for buying everything, Olivia had barely spoken, and Alex understood. Her best friend had just died.

After getting Eli and gathering his things, Olivia had driven back to her apartment and changed the little boy's diaper. Alex had already fed him, and by the time Olivia was ready to collapse into bed, Eli was already sleeping in the crib Olivia had set up beside her bed.

She had a guest room, but she couldn't bear the thought of leaving him alone in another room. So the crib was placed beside her bed, where she could see and hear the little boy while he slept. Something in her desperately needed that connection, to be close to the child of her dead partner.

Eli continued to cry, and Olivia paced back and forth in front of the window. "Shh… Everything is okay, angel. I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you."

She would die before she let any harm come to him.

_Come stop your crying, it will be alright_

_Just take my hand, hold it tight_

_I will protect you from all around you_

_I will be here, don't you cry_

She settled Eli in the crook of his arm and studied his features. Even though he was less than a year old, he already resembled his father so much that it made her heart ache. He had the same striking blue eyes, dark hair, and strong chin. She could already see that, as he grew older, he would grow more and more in his father's likeness.

She ran her fingertip lightly along his cheek.

Eli reached up and grasped her finger in his tiny fist, and she gasped softly. For such a little thing, he had a strong grip, both on her hand and on her heart.

Studying him carefully, she leaned over and lightly kissed his forehead. "Don't worry, Eli," she whispered, closing her hand around his tiny fist.

"I'll never leave you." As long as there was a breath in her body, she would always be there for him.

_For one so small, you seem so strong_

_My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm_

_This bond between us can't be broken_

_I will be here, don't you cry_

The storm continued to rage on outside, sending rain beating against the glass window. Olivia had some practice with crying children, both in her work and personal life, but somehow this was completely different. This little guy was all hers. She did not give birth to him, but she was there to witness his unexpected arrival into the world after the horrific accident she and his mother had been involved in. She was the first person in the world to hold him after his birth, and the first thing he had ever seen. In those few minutes, as she watched the paramedics try to revive Kathy Stabler, she had held Eli against her chest so tightly, she thought she would never be able to let him go. She had lost her heart in those few moments.

He was not her blood, her flesh, but he was hers. She cuddled him closer and closed her dark eyes. He was a living, breathing part of Elliot, the child that he trusted her to raise and guide through life. To raise him to be the kind of man his father would want him to be. No one had ever placed that kind of trust in her before.

She just hoped that she was strong enough to do everything he had entrusted her with.

He finally settled down, and as he started to fall asleep again, Olivia made her way back to the bed. For a moment, she considered returning him to his crib for the rest of the night. He would probably awaken again later, and she could always get back up and go back to the crib to retrieve him.

But her reluctance to let him go eventually won, and she slid back into bed. Then she settled him beside her, curling her body around his and resting a protective hand on his belly.

The gesture soothed them both, and soon after, sleep claimed both of them.

_Cause you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on, now and forever more_

_You'll be in my heart_

_No matter what they say_

_You'll be here in my heart always_

TBC...

A/N: Aww for the OliviaEli bonding! Thanks for reading, and please review!


	5. Shattered

Have kleenex ready! It's the funeral scene! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Two days later, Olivia trembled as she slipped on a simple black dress. Kathy had been buried the previous day, at the insistence of her parents. Since they had been divorced for over three months, her parents had requested that their daughter be buried in another cemetery in Brooklyn, where she had been born.

Maureen had called and asked that Olivia attend the funeral, but the oldest Stabler child had understood when Olivia gently declined. Kathy's family didn't want her there, and Olivia didn't want to make this day worse than it already was on her parents and family.

She ran her hands over the front of her dress. Since he was a cop, Elliot knew that anything could happen at any time. So he had already taken care of the arrangements years ago. He hadn't wanted anyone else to have to worry about it, especially Kathy.

Her gaze flitted to the bed. Eli was in his carseat, his diaper bag resting beside him. He was too young to realize that both of his parents were dead, and that they were burying his father today. For a short time, she had considered leaving him with Alex for the duration of the funeral. But then she realized that the older Stabler children would be there, and they would want to see their baby brother.

For a moment, she closed her eyes. "I miss you, Elliot," she said quietly. There was no response to her heartfelt omission, just as she thought.

Finally she picked up Eli's carseat and slung his diaper bag over her shoulder. Then she left her apartment.

By the time she arrived at the small chapel, there were already a few cars out front. She parked and unbuckled Eli's carseat, then carried him inside.

Maureen was the first to spot Olivia, and she gave the older woman a small wave before approaching her. "Hi, Liv..."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Maureen's cheek. "Hey, sweetheart." The haunted look in Maureen's cerulean eyes made Olivia's stomach sink even lower.

Maureen's eyes flickered to the carseat Olivia protectively held.

Seeing the unspoken request in Maureen's eyes, Olivia held out the carseat. "Do you want to hold your brother?"

A small part of her grief subsided as Maureen nodded. She reached into the carseat, lifting her brother into her arms.

With a sad smile, Olivia said, "You missed him, didn't you?"

"Of course I did."

Dickie and Lizzie came up behind Maureen and focused on their baby brother.

Olivia kept her distance and watched them, knowing how hard it had to be for them, to lose both parents and be separated from their brother. But she understood why Elliot had chosen her as guardian, and not one of his older children. He did it to protect them. He knew that she would never keep Eli from any of them, and that she could take care of the baby on her own.

Fin came up behind Olivia, gently taking the carseat and diaperbag from her and setting them aside. Then he wrapped his arms around her in a warm hug.

Caught offguard, Olivia tensed. But after a while, she settled into the hug, nestling her cheek against Fin's shoulder.

He rubbed her back slowly. "How you doing, baby girl?" he murmured.

She shrugged, but tears were filling her eyes once more.

He could feel her internal struggle, and he held her closer, knowing she wouldn't let her guard down with anyone else. After Elliot, he was the one she was closest to in their squad. And he loved her like she was his own blood.

"I don't know if I can do this, Fin," she whispered, finally returning the embrace.

"Take it one step at a time," he replied. "I'll be right here with you."

That assurance gave her a small degree of comfort. She had known that she wouldn't be alone, but without Elliot...

Finally Maureen reluctantly gave Eli back to Olivia, and they took their places in the pews.

Olivia surveyed the church as she nestled Eli against her shoulder. Alex and Munch had arrived together, along with Cragen, Huang, and Melinda. She saw others she barely recognized, and she was surprised when she saw Bobby Goren and Alex Eames arrive together. She had attended a few benefits with Eames, and she had been with Elliot the first time he and Goren met face to face. Each knew of the other's reputation, and Olivia was worried she would have to pull Elliot off of Goren after the first five minutes.

But surprisingly, they managed not to kill each other.

Her eyes filled with surprise when Goren's fingers strayed over Eames' abdomen, and she caught glimpse of matching wedding rings. She wiped at her eyes with her free hand. They were lucky.

Fin settled beside Olivia, sliding a protective arm around her.

As soon as the priest started to speak, Olivia leaned into Fin and held back her tears.

One by one, other members of the squad stood up to speak about Elliot, sharing their favorite memories of their fallen comrade. Then his children stood up together and spoke, and Olivia was stunned by how much they looked like their father.

Finally her turn came, and she carried Eli to the podium. She had almost left him with Fin, but she needed the little guy close.

As she looked at the crowd, she could see the reassuring glances of her friends, and the tearful eyes of Elliot's older children. She swallowed hard.

"Elliot Stabler was a... a great man. I was lucky enough to be his partner for all these years." She glanced at the casket, and for a moment, she couldn't speak.

Fin watched her, and when she finally turned away from Elliot's casket, he gave her a reassuring look.

She started to speak again. "Being a cop was his life. But even more important than being a cop was being a father. He loved his kids more than anything in this world." And she was lucky enough to come in behind them.

"He was my best friend, and I'll always love him and miss him." She turned around again and moved to the casket, lowering her head long enough to kiss his cool forehead. "Love you, El."

She turned around and carried Eli back to the pew, where Fin was waiting for them. As she sat down, he wrapped an arm around her.

"Good job, baby girl."

She leaned into Fin's embrace and held Eli tighter against herself.

_Why did you have to go, El?_

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That night, after the longest and most painful day of her life, Olivia took Eli home. The little guy had already fallen asleep, and she carefully changed his diaper and settled him into his crib for the night.

He slept through all of the movement, and for several minutes, she stood over the crib and watched him sleep.

He was too young to know they had buried his father just a few hours ago. His sleep was peaceful, innocent. Untouched by anything bad. She reached down and gently ran her hand along his wispy blond hair.

She had no idea how to do this, how to be a good parent. But she had no doubt that she loved Eli. Maybe that was all she really needed. She loved him, and she knew that she would always do what was best for him. Maybe that had to be enough. She would not be like her mother. She would try to be the parent she had always wanted growing up.

Finally she withdrew her hand and went into the bathroom to change. Reemerging in clean pajamas, she crawled into her big bed and slid between the sheets. Then she turned onto her side, so she could see Eli's crib in the dim moonlight that filtered through the window.

"Good night, Eli," she whispered as she pulled her comforter around herself. "Sweet dreams."

And somewhere outside, thunder began to roll ominously.

TBC...

A/N: Even though there is no new SVU for another two weeks, I'll continue to update on Wednesday nights. And OMG, Chris turns 50 next month! He does NOT look it! *drools* Thanks for reading, and please review!


	6. When The Truth Is Told

An update! WOOT. LOL. I think I've finally found the groove in this story, and though I don't usually write the chapter on Tuesday, I manage to update on Wednesday. Hahaha. I'm such a procrastinator. Anyway, while writing this chapter, I was alternating between listening to Vienna and Lullabye (which will make an appearance in the next chapter or so) by Billy Joel, If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away, by Justin Moore, and of course You'll Be In My Heart. So lots of musical inspiration. But that's me, the queen of songfics. LMAO. Enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Two months after the sudden deaths of Elliot and Kathy, Olivia awoke to the sound of Eli crying in his crib.

She yawned and sat up in her bed, frowning at the troubling sky that loomed outside. She had finally returned to work a few days ago, despite Cragen's reassurance that she could take more time if she needed it. She certainly had enough personal time and sick leave saved up. But she knew that she had to get back to work eventually.

It was hard, being back at work and knowing Elliot was gone. The first day, she had walked in and nearly broken down when she realized that Elliot wouldn't walk through the doors as well. His desk remained untouched, for which she was thankful. Eventually she would find the strength to take care of his things, and she refused to let anyone else do it. It was like Cragen had sensed that, and everyone had left Elliot's desk exactly the way it was.

Another troubling topic was Eli. She had found an excellent day care center a few blocks from the precinct, but the first time she had left him, it felt like she was leaving her own heart behind. Rationally, she knew that he was perfectly safe and protected, but she still had a hard time leaving him behind.

She slid out of the bed and moved to Eli's crib. Every week or so, the oldest Stabler children came to her apartment and visited with their little brother. She was always delighted by their visits, but Kathleen and Maureen were still standoffish with her. It was as though they were still angry that she had been the one Elliot named as guardian of Eli. She couldn't blame them. He was their brother, after all, and Olivia wasn't family. But she knew Elliot had made the right choice. Kathleen and the twins were still in school, and he would want them to continue their education. He wanted them to have all of the opportunities that he had lost after becoming a teenage parent himself.

She reached the crib and leaned over, scooping up Eli in her arms and hugging him. "Hey, little man..." she murmured, kissing Eli's forehead.

He continued to whimper, and she carried him to his changing table and gently laid him down. As she changed his diaper and spoke to him, she could hear movement in the living room. She smiled sadly.

After Elliot's funeral, Fin had stayed the night on her pullout couch. She had insisted that he didn't need to stay, but he refused to leave her alone at her most vulnerable moment. And she had been grateful for his presence.

That was two months ago, and he was still with her. Cragen knew about the situation, and Munch teased Fin relentlessly. But Olivia and Fin both knew what the situation really was. He was a rock, a shoulder to lean in and a pair of arms to hold her when nightmares haunted her in the dark. And as many times as she insisted that she was fine, that he didn't have to stay, she was glad that he refused and continued to camp out on her couch.

As she fastened Eli's diaper, the door opened, and Fin poked his head in the door.

"Mornin', Liv."

Olivia picked up Eli and settled him against her shoulder. "Morning, Fin."

Fin came into the room and looked at Eli. "Hey, big man." He tickled the baby's belly.

Eli laughed and gurgled, waving tiny hands.

Olivia grinned. The first time Eli had laughed, she had almost cried. He was so little and perfect, and there were times when she couldn't believe that he was hers. The circumstances were the worst she ever could have imagined, but he was hers.

And as much as she loved him, she was realizing that Fin loved him just that much, too. Sometimes she wondered if it was his way of making up for not being there for Ken when Ken was a baby, but she didn't ask.

Fin gently took Eli into his arms and patted the boy's back. "Get your shower, Liv. I'll feed him."

"Thanks, Fin." She smiled at him before going into her bathroom.

Fin watched her disappear into the bathroom, then carried the little boy into the kitchen. He found a bottle in the fridge and warmed it up.

As the bottle was warming up, Fin studied little Eli's face. For some reason he couldn't explain, he felt the need to stay close to Olivia and Eli. He still kept his apartment and went there from time to time, but most of his time outside work was spent with Olivia and the young boy in his arms.

Finally the bottle was ready. Fin grabbed it, then carried Eli to the couch and sat down. "Here we go..."

Eli latched onto the bottle hungrily, making Fin laugh.

"Little man's got a big appetite."

In the bathroom, Olivia stepped under the pulsating stream and closed her eyes. Elliot had been gone for two months, and she still felt like he was going to walk through the door at any minute. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she couldn't stop herself from imagining it. He had been a huge part of her life, the longest relationship she'd ever had with a man. He was her best friend, her partner, her... everything. And now he was in the ground, covered by six feet of dirt.

She didn't realize that she was sobbing until she heard the bathroom door creak open.

"Olivia?" Fin's voice was filled with concern.

She rested against the wall and wiped at her eyes. "I'm okay, Fin."

He didn't believe her. "You sure?"

"Yeah." She sniffled. "Where's Eli?"

He recognized that defense mechanism. When she didn't want to talk about something that upset her, she went to Eli or started to talk about him. And it worried him. "In his playpen."

She closed her eyes. "Go back in the living room. I'll be out soon."

He sighed quietly. "Alright, Liv." He slipped back out of the bathroom.

The door closed, and Olivia let out a tearful breath.

Fin hesitated at the bathroom door. He adored Olivia, and seeing her in so much pain broke his heart. But he just didn't know how to reach her.

"You're a bastard for leaving her, Stabler," he muttered as he went back into the living room.

Sometimes, he thought it would have been merciful if Olivia had been in the car with Elliot.

Because now, even with Eli, he wasn't sure if this was something she could ever get through.

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That night, after picking Eli up from the daycare center, Olivia went shopping before going home. As she pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex, she recognized Fin's car in the lot. She got out of the car, then unbuckled Eli and grabbed the groceries. She wasn't sure how she felt about Fin being there tonight, but he was good to her. So she went into the building and upstairs, to her apartment.

The door was unlocked, and she was surprised. She pushed it open. "Fin?"

"Kitchen," he called back, and Olivia inhaled the aroma of dinner cooking.

She kicked the door shut and carried the groceries to the dining room table. "You've been busy," she observed, settling Eli on her hip.

"And you haven't been eating," he shot back, turning one of the steaks over. It had been too long since she had sat down and eaten something other than takeout, and he did know how to cook a few things.

Carrying Eli to his playpen, she gently laid him in it, then went back to the kitchen. "You didn't need to do this, Fin."

"You need to eat, baby girl."

She sighed and waved a hand. "I eat plenty."

"Right..." He laid the steaks on two plates, then added a baked potato to each plate. He had already made a salad to go with it, which was already sitting on the table.

As he made the plates, Olivia put away the groceries she had bought.

When the table was set, they both sat down on opposite sides of the table. Fin poured himself a glass of wine, while Olivia dished out some of the salad onto her plate.

There was silence as they ate, which bothered Fin. And when Olivia got up to clear her plate, he frowned at how much was left.

Olivia went into the kitchen and cleaned her plate. Then she came back to the table. "Thanks for dinner, Fin," she said softly.

"You're welcome, Liv."

She paused, as though she wanted to say something. But no words came out, and she turned around to get Eli.

Fin watched with a heavy heart as Olivia got the baby and disappeared into her bedroom.

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Late in the night, Olivia shot upright in her bed. A mournful scream passed her lips, and her slender frame shook as she clutched at the blankets.

A few seconds later, her bedroom door opened, and Fin stumbled into the room. "Liv?"

She sobbed, unable to respond.

Without hesitating, Fin walked across the floor. Stopping at the bed, he gathered Olivia into his arms and hugged her to his bare chest.

She pulled away, but his grip was firm. After a moment, she collapsed against him and buried her face in his chest.

Shushing her, he sat down on the bed and held her tighter. "Shh... I got you. I got you, Liv."

She slid her arm around his waist and continued to sob softly.

Lifting his head, Fin glanced over at the crib. To his surprise, Eli was still sleeping. He looked at Olivia again, and his heart broke all over again. She was curled up against him, crying softly as she held onto him. He tightened his arms around her protectively.

Olivia screwed her eyes shut, only to be met with an image of Elliot. Her fingers dug into Fin's skin.

Fin rested his head against Olivia's and closed his eyes. "Shh..." He didn't dare say that it would be okay, because he knew that, for her, nothing would ever be okay again.

So he held her more firmly and rubbed her back, letting her grieve for the loss of her best friend.

TBC...

A/N: Don't worry, I don't believe that Fin and Olivia will wind up together. Right now it's completely platonic, and I seriously doubt Olivia will get with anyone. Her focus is Eli. But you never know what the muse will do... Thanks for reading, and please review! :)


	7. You're Gonna Be

Yay! Update for new SVU tonight! WOOT! While writing this chapter, I listened to Reba McEntire's You're Gonna Be, and Gary Allan's Tough Little Boys (which I used in this chapter). Enjoy and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Olivia grinned as she studied Eli intently. They were in the living room, and Olivia was encouraging Eli to take his first few steps on his own. For the past few weeks, he had been mastering pulling himself up and standing up on his own. Now he was going to start walking on his own.

The little boy wobbled, but remained standing.

"Come on, Eli," Olivia encouraged, dropping to her knees in front of her little boy.

Nearly a year had passed since Elliot and Kathy had died, and Olivia was still struggling to adjust to life without her best friend and partner. But the little boy in front of her helped to ease the pain and heal her shattered heart.

The older Stabler children still came by her apartment to visit regularly, and she was not looking forward to the time when Eli asked about his true paternity. She had occasionally thought about how to tell him what had happened to his birth parents, and nothing ever seemed right. But for now, that was a distant thought.

Eli wavered on his tiny feet, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Take it one step at a time, little man," she murmured, her expression tender.

He put one foot forward, but fell down and promptly started to cry.

Olivia felt his pain and frustration as she helped him to his feet again. She didn't know how Elliot had managed to do this with all of his four older children. Every time little Eli fell down, she felt herself fall down right along with him.

After another fall, Eli stood up again and took a step. Olivia held her breath as he took another, his little arms outstretched toward her.

Encouraged, Olivia smiled. "Come on, angel. You're almost there."

Finally Eli launched himself into Olivia's arms, and they both laughed as Olivia held him tightly. His first steps…

"That's my boy," she murmured, kissing his blond head.

Eli giggled and buried his face in Olivia's neck, melting her heart all over again.

_Scared me to death_

_When you took your first steps_

_Well, I'd fall every time _

_You fell down_

Olivia was making herself breakfast after feeding Eli when she heard it. She was in the middle of turning a pancake over when the sound caught her attention.

"Mama."

For a moment, she wasn't sure of what she had heard. She looked over her shoulder, at Eli. He was sitting in his high chair and playing with his empty bowl.

She shrugged and resumed pressing her spatula gently against the pancake.

"Mama."

This time she was certain she had heard Eli's voice. She ran back to the table and sat down in front of the little boy. "Eli, did you just say Mama?" she asked, her eyes bright.

The little boy beamed and giggled.

"Mama!"

Olivia's heart skipped a beat. His first word...

She reached over and lifted Eli out of his chair. Then she cuddled him to herself. "I love you, Eli," she murmured, rubbing his back gently.

The little boy wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her tightly.

Closing her eyes, Olivia held Eli close and said another silent prayer of thanks to whoever was listening that she had this amazing little boy in her life.

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Olivia swallowed a soft groan as she stood in front of her apartment building.

Beside her, five year old Eli shifted restlessly, grasping the straps of his little backpack tightly.

Sensing his unease, Olivia reached down and rested her hand on his dark little head. Around the time he turned two, his hair went from being light blond to a dark brown. The exact shade of his father's hair.

She sniffled. He was also stubborn and made her crazy sometimes. But she loved him more than anything in the world.

Eli suddenly perked up. "Mommy, the bus!" He pointed to the yellow school bus that turned around the corner.

Olivia's heart clenched. She wanted to take Eli to school herself on his first day, but he had insisted that he wanted to be a big boy and ride the school bus. And as reluctant as she was, she knew that she would have to start letting go of him. School was the first major step.

Eli squealed in excitement and clapped his little hands together as the school bus drew closer.

Olivia turned to Eli and studied her little guy. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you, sweetheart?" she asked again, even though she knew the answer.

He gave her an exasperated look, and for a moment, Olivia felt as though she were looking at his dead father.

"I can do it, Mommy!"

She sighed and nodded, kneeling down to hug him tightly. "I know you can, Eli. I'm so proud of you."

The school bus stopped a few feet away, and Olivia reluctantly released the squirming little boy.

Eli ran to the bus, pausing long enough to turn around and wave at his mother.

She waved back at him, and as he climbed the steps, she started to cry. She'd had no idea it would be this hard to let him go, and he was only going to kindergarten. How would she handle his entrance into high school, or his graduation from college?

Making up her mind, she hailed a taxi and followed Eli's school bus all the way to the school he would be attending.

_And your first day of school_

_I cried like a fool_

_And followed your school bus_

_To town_

That night, after picking Eli up from his first day of school and listening to all the stories he had to tell her, Olivia stood in his bedroom doorway. It had been a busy day for both of them, and a particularly draining one for her. But she was home again with her son, and that helped ease her pain and worry.

He was sleeping in his little bed, splayed out and smiling in his sleep.

With a soft smile, Olivia went to the bed and gently tucked him in again. Then she kissed his forehead softly.

Eli was used to being kissed while he slept, and he did not stir.

"I love you, Eli."

She watched him sleep for a moment before returning to the doorway. They had survived his first day of school without incident, and as much as Olivia wanted to keep him a little boy forever, she knew that he was growing up.

She only wished it didn't have to happen so fast.

TBC...

A/N: I'm not sure how much more there is to do with this story. I know how I'm going to end it, but I think I'm going to do a few more chapters (Eli's milestones) then end it. So if anyone has any suggestions or requests for a particular scene, let me know! Thanks for reading!


	8. If You're Reading This

An early update! WOOT! And it's the longest chapter so far! LOL. Big thanks go to Trekkerforlife for her invaluable help and patience dealing with my rambling. LMAO. This chapter is quite a tearjerker, so be prepared! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Maureen Stabler was anxious as she knocked on Olivia Benson's front door with her free hand. In her other hand, she held a box carefully that she had found the previous day. After her parents had died, she and Kathleen had boxed up everything after picking out a few things to keep. The rest had been put into closets, to be dealt with when the pain wasn't so raw.

The day before, Maureen had finally summoned the strength to begin going through those boxes. And in the third box she opened, she had found a smaller box with an envelope attached to it. On the envelope, in her father's scrawl, was a single word.

Olivia.

She had been tempted to open the box, but something had kept her from doing just that. So she decided to bring it to Olivia.

Finally the door opened, and Eli's little face beamed up at her. "Maureen!" He flung his arms around her legs and squealed happily.

Maureen grinned and wrapped her free arm around her baby brother. "Hi, Eli."

Olivia came out of the kitchen, smiling at the oldest Stabler child. "Hey, Maureen. What's going on?"

Maureen held up the box. "I have something for you."

Curious, Olivia wiped her hands against her jeans. Then she took the box from Maureen. There was an envelope taped to it, with her name written across the front in Elliot's handwriting. Her breathing hitched.

Maureen lifted Eli into her arms and snuggled him. "I started going through my parent's stuff, and I found that."

Olivia held the box tightly in her shaking hands. "Thank you, Maureen." She struggled with herself for a moment before nodding toward the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I just finished dinner."

Maureen hesitated, until her little brother piped up.

"Please, Maureen!" His little face was eager, and Maureen's heart melted.

"Of course I'll stay, Eli." She carried Eli to the table and set him down in a chair.

Olivia took the box into her bedroom and placed it gently on her bed. Then she went back into the kitchen. "How have you been, Maureen?" she asked as she took down three plates and began dishing food out.

Maureen tickled her little brother. "Okay." She paused. "Sam moved in."

Olivia's dark brown eyes widened in surprise. "He did?" Sam was a young man Maureen had been seeing for over a year. They had met in college, and Maureen talked about how they had started off as close friends before going to the next level with the relationship.

"Yeah." Maureen smiled sadly. "Dad would have lost his mind."

Olivia brought the plates to the table. "Your dad was protective, but he was a good man, and you're a grown woman. I know you'll make the best decision for yourself."

Maureen hesitated. "Do you think...?"

Olivia looked at the other woman when she trailed off. "What, Maureen?"

She looked down at the table. "Would it be okay... if I brought him here... to meet you?"

Olivia's eyes shined brightly. "Maureen... of course it would be okay. I'd be honored."

Maureen smiled, relieved, and the three began to ate dinner.

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Later that night, after Maureen said goodbye and left, Olivia bathed Eli and read him a story. By the time she was finished, he was sound asleep. She kissed his head, turned his nightlight on, then tucked his blanket tightly around him before leaving his room.

Her movements were slow and deliberate as she made her way into her bedroom, then changed into her pajamas. As she ran a brush through her hair, the box on the bed caught her eye. Slowly she brought her hand back down, returning the brush to her dresser.

The box was plain, distinguished only by the letter taped to it. She started to lift the envelope, but her hand paused. She wasn't sure she could get through this without falling apart, so she went into the kitchen and found a bottle of wine she kept in a cabinet, high out of Eli's reach. Not even bothering with a glass, she took the cork out and took a long drink. Then she carried the bottle back into her bedroom.

The box was right where she left it. She took another drink of wine, then closed her eyes. "What is it, El?" she whispered.

There was no response to her question.

After another drink, she finally set the bottle down. Then she sat on the bed, lifting the box and placing it gently in her lap. Her fingers trembled slightly as she finally pulled the envelope off of the box. It was thick and heavy, and she carefully opened the envelope. Then she slowly unfolded the papers within.

At the top of the page, in the right hand corner, Olivia noticed the date. Elliot had written this just a week before the accident that claimed his life. A soft sob bubbled up in her throat as she started to read.

_Olivia, where can I possibly start this? It's after midnight, and I'm alone here again. I don't know why I'm even writing this. I doubt I'll ever have the guts to give it to you. But if you're reading this, either I did, or I died. Since I don't think I'll be able to give you this letter myself, that means I'm gone._

She closed her eyes for a moment, groaning softly. "Elliot..."

Finally she started reading again.

_I don't know what happened, but whatever it was, it must have been fast. Our line of work is dangerous and unpredictable. But, Olivia, whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. I know you'll want to blame yourself. You always did tend to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's one of the many, many things I love about you._

_I know I never told you, but I love you, Olivia. You are my best friend, the other half of me. You and my kids are my entire world. I just hope that this letter will never find its way into your hands, and that I'll be able to tell you all of this myself. You deserve to hear it. You are an incredible woman, and I never deserved someone so amazing and beautiful as you._

A tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another.

_Please, don't cry over me. I don't know what happened to me, but we know how unpredictable our job can be. So does Kathy. And in the unlikely event that something happened to both of us, we agreed that you should receive custody of Eli._

Her heart swelled as she read those words.

_I know you'll make one hell of a mother, Liv. You'll make mistakes, I know. But you are incredible, and I have no doubt that you'll raise my son the best you can. We thought about leaving him to Maureen, but he's only two months old, and we decided that we did not want to disrupt Maureen's life by making her a parent if something happened to the both of us. But you are already a mother, in every sense of the word. I know you'll love Eli like you gave birth to him, because you already do._

She sniffled, her shoulders shuddering with the effort it took to hold back her sobs.

_You'll raise him right, I know. But, Liv, tell him about me. Tell him about his mother. Show him pictures, and tell him that he was loved by us. I know you will, but... I just needed to be sure that I told you. I can't imagine not being in my children's lives, but if you're reading this, I'm not. So tell each of them I loved them, and give them the letters you find in the box that this envelope is attached to. I hate to think of a day when I can't be there for them, but you and I know better than anyone that tomorrow is never, ever guaranteed. I've had too many close calls, and one day my number will be up. I just want to make sure that, if it is, they know how much I love them. And that you know how much I love you._

_In this box, you'll find some of my most prized possessions. Awards, commendations, medals, pictures... Take good care of them, Olivia. They're yours now. And maybe one day, you'll give them to Eli. It's so hard to write this, because I cannot imagine not being in my children's lives, or yours. I can't imagine not seeing your face, or hearing their laughter anymore. I may not have been the best father, the best partner, or the best friend. But I tried my best to love all of you as much as I possibly could. I'm just sorry that I never told you. You deserved to hear it._

Setting the letter down gently, she opened the box and started to sort through the items within. They were all familiar to a degree. Awards, commendations, medals. Some from the Marines, and some from his work as a detective.

In a tiny envelope, she found a set of wedding rings, and she became choked up. They had gone undercover as husband and wife several times, and those were the rings they had used each time. It seemed so small, but it shook her to the core to know he had kept them and tucked them away somewhere safe. She let the rings fall into her open palm.

The metal was cool against her palm, and after a moment, she set them aside. Then she picked up a picture, one that she had never realized had been taken.

They were in the squadroom, celebrating Fin's birthday. Elliot was sitting on his desk, and she stood between his legs as they spoke intently. The emotion and body language, all caught in a single frame, spoke volumes. She held the picture to her chest and closed her eyes.

Finally she set the picture aside lovingly. Then she resumed sorting through the remaining items. They were mostly small things, but they were priceless for her.

At the bottom of the box, she found a small box, and she opened it. Inside lay a gold chain, and as she lifted it out of the box, she saw a small heart dangling from it. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was a locket, with a pair of handcuffs on the front. She laughed tearfully, then carefully opened the locket.

On one side, the inscription read, "I'd give you a kidney." She laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks. On the other side, it said, "But I gave you my heart."

Turning the locket over, she found their badge numbers inscribed in the back. 4015, and 6313 just beneath it. She closed her eyes, clutching the necklace in her shaking hand. Her heart was beating so hard, she could hear it in her ears. Elliot loved her...

Minutes passed, and finally her shaking subsided. She set the box aside and picked up the letter again, reading through the tears in her eyes.

_In the bottom of this box, there's a locket I bought for you a while back. I planned to give it to you for your birthday, but if you're reading this, then I didn't get the chance. I know you'll love it, and I hope you'll always keep it close to your heart, along with me._

She turned the page over, her hands shaking.

_I never meant to fall in love with you, Olivia. But you're so incredible, so beautiful and fierce. I don't think there was ever a time when I didn't love you. And I hope that you won't hide that beauty from the world. Someone else could love you, though I don't think anyone will love you as much as I do. Someone else will make you happy, and they will love you for the rest of your life. Give yourself that chance, okay? Don't lose yourself in the grief, Liv. I may be gone, but life goes on. Remember that. And don't worry about whether or not I knew you loved me. I know. And I love you, too. I always will. Love knows no distance, and it knows no bounds._

Hot tears rolled freely down her cheeks as she read his words.

_I know you never knew your family, Liv. But I love you like you are. And whatever you decide to do in life, I'll be there with you. Never forget that._

_I know you're probably crying now, and I'm sorry. I never wanted you to cry. So try to smile, and remember this: if you thought you didn't have anyone else in this world, you had me. You always will. I love you, Olivia._

_-El._

She slowly returned the letter to the envelope, then began returning the items to the box. But she kept the necklace out, and after putting the box on top of her dresser, she fastened the necklace around her neck, the locket falling in the valley between her breasts.

Her eyes fell on the bottle of wine, and after a long moment, she returned it to the cabinet in the kitchen. Then she went back into her bedroom and slid between the sheets.

Elliot was still gone, but somehow, she felt closer to him than she had in a very long time. And as she settled into sleep, she could hear his voice whisper softly.

"I love you, Liv."

TBC...

A/N: *sniffles* I spent all afternoon writing this and crying, while listening to the Tm McGraw songs, Please Remember Me, and If You're Reading This. Hope it wasn't too sappy, and that everyone liked the "I'd Give You A Kidney" locket. Thanks for reading, and please review!


	9. Tolerance

Yay! Update for the new SVU! The time leaps are getting longer, so in this chapter, Eli is seven, then eleven. I'm trying to cover his biggest milestones before I wrap this story up. So if you guys have more ideas, let me know! Enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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"Mommy!"

Olivia looked up from the paperwork she was working on at the kitchen table. Normally she wasn't home this early, but it had been a slow day and Cragen told her to go home and spend time with little Eli. He was already in second grade, and she couldn't believe how fast he was growing up. He was a smart little boy, affectionate and funny. And every time Olivia looked at him, she saw a little more of her partner in his son.

When he called for her, she closed the file. "What is it, baby?"

He ran to her, his cerulean eyes filled with tears.

Immediately Olivia frowned and held her arms out to him. "Eli, what's wrong? What happened?"

Instead of throwing himself into her arms, as he always did when he was upset, he just stared at the floor.

"Eli?"

He heaved a sigh. "How come I don't have a daddy?"

Olivia felt her heart twist in pain. She had always known that he would ask this question one day, and she had tried countless times to come up with an answer for him. Now he was finally asking, and she was completely lost.

"Amy and Sean have daddies, and Jimmy's daddy doesn' live at home. But I tol' them I don't have a daddy, and they made fun of me!" He sniffled. "Does my daddy hate me?"

"Oh, Eli..." Olivia got up and scooped Eli up in her arms. Then she took him into her bedroom. He sniffled against her shirt.

She gently placed him on the bed, then went to her closet and pulled out a box she had made for him years ago.

Eli watched her intently, wiping at her eyes.

She returned to the bed and sat down beside Eli. "Your daddy loved you very much, sweetheart." She kissed Eli's head. "You were even named for him. Elliot."

Eli looked around. "Where is he?"

She let out a long breath. Where was she going to start...? "When you were a baby... your daddy was in a terrible accident. He died." She pulled Eli into her lap.

"Died?"

"Yes, baby." She ran her hand over his hair.

Eli frowned as he thought.

Olivia closed her eyes. "Your daddy was my best friend in the entire world. And he loved you, very much." Reaching into the box, she pulled out a picture of Elliot and showed it to his little son.

Eli took the picture into his small hands. The man in the picture looked a lot like him.

Olivia handed him several more pictures, and as Eli looked through them, one caught his attention. "Who's that?"

He pointed to a blond woman.

Her lower lip trembled. "That's your mother, Eli," she finally whispered.

Eli looked confused. "You're my mommy..."

"Yes, I am, baby. But this is your mother. She died with your daddy." She held Eli tighter. "You were very little, and your mom and dad picked me to take care of you." She sighed softly. "The day you were born, I was there with you. And they knew how much I loved you. So you came to live with me." And her life had never been the same again. But she would not have it any other way.

Eli looked up at her. "What about Maureen and Lizzie and Dickie and Kathleen?"

"They're your sisters and brother, sweetie. That won't ever change. But... when your daddy died, he chose me because he thought I could be the best mommy for you." She hugged Eli. "And you love me, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I love you. And that's all that matters. You have me, your siblings, Grandpa Don, and Uncle Munch and Uncle Fin. We all love you."

Eli continued to look at the pictures as he took in the information.

Olivia kissed Eli's head. He was taking all of this better than she had thought he would.

Finally Eli looked up at her again.

Olivia smiled at him. "I love you, sweetheart. Very much. I always will."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Forever." She gently smoothed his thick hair back.

He finally smiled. "I love you, Mommy."

Her heart soared. For a moment, she had been afraid that his view of her would be changed, that he wouldn't love her the same anymore. "I love you, too, baby." She hugged him tightly.

He snuggled into her and closed her eyes.

She held him for a little while in silence. Then she finally reached over and pulled the box closer.

"Your daddy was an amazing man, Eli..."

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Olivia ran a hand through her hair as she finished another form. Every time she looked away, it seemed, the paperwork multiplied. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

Munch glanced at her from a few feet away. "You okay, Liv?"

She forced her eyes open and smiled weakly. "I'm fine, John. Just tired of paperwork."

He chuckled. "Aren't we all?"

She smiled, but her phone went off, and she groaned. "Great..." Grabbing the phone, she answered, "Benson."

"Ms. Benson? This is Jerry Miller. I'm calling about Eli."

Olivia frowned. Why was Eli's principal calling? "What's wrong? Is Eli okay?" Immediately the worst scenarios began running through her mind.

Miller looked at the scowling boy in front of him. "Eli and another student were involved in a fight. I need you to come down to the school."

She sighed. "I'm on my way." Putting the phone away, she grabbed her jacket and pulled it on. Then she went to Cragen's office, knocking before she entered. "Captain?"

He looked up from his own paperwork. "What is it, Liv?"

"Eli's principal just called me. I need to go to the school."

"Is he okay?"

"He was in a fight. His principal wants me to go down there."

He nodded. "Of course. Take the rest of the day."

"Thanks, Cap." She hurried out of his office.

By the time she got to the principal's office, she didn't know what to think. Elliot would have been secretly proud, just as he had been when Dickie got into a fight. She wasn't proud. She just wanted to know what had happened. She knocked on the door, then walked into the office. "Eli."

Miller nodded at her as Eli scowled. "Have a seat, Ms. Benson."

Olivia sat down, looking at her eleven year old son. "Eli, what happened?" she asked softly.

He refused to answer.

Miller sighed. "He hasn't said a word since he was brought to me. I'm afraid I have no choice but to suspend him."

Olivia sighed, running a hand through her hair. "There's no other option."

"The school has a zero tolerance policy on fighting."

She nodded, standing and ushering Eli out of his seat. "Thank you for calling, Mr. Miller."

He nodded, and Olivia led Eli out of the school.

When they got home, Olivia ushered Eli to the couch and sat beside him. His face was bruised, one eye was quickly swelling, and his lower lip was cut. She sighed. "Eli, what happened?"

He scowled. "Freddy Thompson is a jerk."

"Why did you hit him, Eli?"

"Cause he was teasing my friend Audrey."

"Why was he teasing her?"

"She has two moms, and Freddy said that she was gonna go to hell."

Olivia's heart swelled with pride. "Eli, it wasn't right for you to hit him..."

Eli scowled. "He shouldn't have teased her."

She thought about scolding him, but she couldn't find it in her to do it. He had been defending a friend, something she would have done. She stood up. "Come on."

He stared at her. "Where?"

"We're going to get pizza."

He looked hopeful. "Really?"

She smiled. "Yeah. Then maybe we'll go see a movie."

He jumped up. "Okay!"

As she followed him, she chuckled. Maybe she should have punished him, but she could practically hear her partner telling her how proud he was of his son. He had been defending a friend, and while it was wrong to fight, she couldn't punish him for doing the right thing.

"Come on, Mom!"

Her smile widened. Maybe she was doing a better job raising him than she had thought.

TBC...

A/N: Aww, Eli's growing up. I got the inspiration for the second half of this from one episode, where Kathy calls El and tells him Dickie got into a fight. Liv asks him what happened, and he smiles as he says, "Dickie busted some kid's lip open." And she says, "Look at you, all glowing with fatherly pride." LOL. Very cute scene. Thanks for reading, and here's hoping we get some EO tonight!


	10. A Shot In The Dark

A very special update celebrating some good news I just heard about. Mariska and Peter just adopted a baby girl named Amaya Josephine! So happy for them! :) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Cragen felt sick as he walked down the hall of the middle school. He found the office easily enough and went to the reception desk.

A woman smiled at him. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"I need to pick up my grandson, Eli Stabler." He handed her his badge. "It's a family emergency."

Nodding, she picked up the phone and called for Eli. Then she pointed to a row of chairs where Cragen could sit while he waited.

Within ten minutes, Eli walked into the office, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He looked around, and when he spotted Cragen, his stomach dropped. "Grandpa? What's wrong?"

Cragen stood up, resting his hand on Eli's shoulder. "You need to come with me, Eli." He ushered the boy out of the office.

Eli felt anxious as he followed his grandfather outside. "What's going on, Grandpa?" he demanded again as they reached Cragen's Crown Vic.

Cragen got Eli into the car, then got into the driver's seat. "It's your mom, Eli. She..." He started the car, uncertain of how to continue.

Eli looked terrified. His mom had told him before that her job was dangerous, and something could happen. He had just never thought it would. "What happened? Is Mom okay? Where is she?"

"She's at the hospital. We're going there now."

Shocked, Eli leaned back in his seat.

Cragen felt terrible for the boy. Olivia was the only parent he had ever known, and her entire world revolved around Eli. If she died... He shook his head. Olivia was strong. She would fight to stay with Eli. If Eli had never existed, he believed she would have given up years ago. Eli had given her a reason to go on, to continue living.

Eli remained silent, until they arrived at the hospital. Then he got out of the car and followed his grandpa into the hospital. He had always hated hospitals, for as long as he could remember. He hated them even more now.

Cragen led Eli to the waiting room, where Munch, Fin, and Alex were waiting. There were other officers, but Eli didn't pay any attention to them.

Cragen went to Munch. "Any news yet?"

"No, Cap. And I'm worried."

"Me, too, John. Me, too."

Later that night, everyone was still anxiously awaiting news of Olivia. Alex was sleeping lightly, her head resting on Munch's shoulder. Fin was pacing nearby, and Eli was sleeping curled up on the only couch in the room.

A doctor finally entered the room, and Cragen jerked his head up.

"Family of Olivia Benson?"

Munch gently eased out from under Alex, waking her, while Fin and Cragen rushed to the doctor. "Is she okay?"

The doctor sighed softly, and Cragen immediately feared the worst.

"She had a difficult time in surgery, and she lost a lot of blood. But the bullet did less damage than we had originally thought. She's resting comfortably now."

"Can we see her?" Munch asked, running a hand over his gray hair.

"I'm afraid her visitors are going to be restricted for tonight." He looked at the file in his hand. "Is there an Eli here?"

Cragen rubbed the back of his neck. "Her son." He motioned to the couch, where the young boy was sleeping.

The doctor nodded. "She's been asking for him."

"What room is she in?"

The doctor gave Cragen the room number before his pager went off, and he excused himself. After the doctor left, Cragen went to the couch and gently roused Eli. He needed to see his mother, and she needed to see him.

When they finally reached Olivia's room, Eli was wide awake and withdrawn. Cragen spoke softly to him as he opened the door.

"Your mom is going to be fine, Eli. But she needs to rest and get better before she can go home. So you're going to stay with me for a while."

Olivia was sleeping in her bed, surrounded by machines.

Eli's face paled as they moved into the room. "Mom..."

Cragen rested a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder. "She's going to be okay, Eli," he repeated gently, squeezing Eli's shoulder reassuringly. "She is."

Eli stared for a long time before finally moving to the bed where his mother was sleeping.

Olivia stirred as a hand settled on hers, and she groaned. "Eli..."

Eli sniffled. "I'm here, Mom."

Slowly her eyes fluttered open, and her unfocused gaze settled on her son. "Eli..."

With a soft sob, he scrambled up onto the bed with her. Careful of the wires and tubes, he snuggled into her side and laid his head on her shoulder.

Olivia groaned softly, wrapping one arm weakly around Eli. "It's okay, Eli..." she whispered, nearly asleep again. "I'm okay."

Cragen watched the two interact. When Elliot had been in the wreck, he had been terrified of the effect it would have on Olivia. Eli had been her saving grace, and every day Cragen was thankful that she had him.

Eli snuggled closer to his mother as she fell asleep again.

Sensing that Eli would refuse to leave her, Cragen found the only chair in the room and brought it to the bed. Then he sat down with a weary sigh.

It would be a long night, but Olivia was going to live. And for that, he was grateful.

TBC...

A/N: Awwness, huh? Again, so happy for Mariska and her family! Such a wonderful lady! Am I right? Sound off in the reviews, and thanks for reading!


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